Everything was going great.
I was meditating, going to yoga regularly, writing in my journal (or whatever you call it) and just manifesting the positive thoughts that came as a natural side effect of doing all of those things.
And while nothing was exactly perfect, because I don’t believe there’s such a state in which to live, it felt like I was getting what I wished for and what I deserved.
The Universe has a pretty messed up, but fantastic sense of humour about this kind of thing, and just to see if you really ‘get it’, it will throw a stick directly in the middle of your path. Will you glide effortlessly around it? Or will you dive directly into it?
Of course, I not only tripped over the damn stick I took a few tumbles and grazed my knees in the process.
I wanted to stay there, on the ground in that stuck place I knew so well in my previous life, I really wanted to. Feeling not only sorry for myself, but wallowing in self-pity was a state of mind that used to come so effortlessly to me. One small decision in a matter of 24 hours, and here I was feeling the un-doing of all of the good work I had put in over the last 6 months.
Why do we do that to ourselves? Berate our most fragile parts when they need encouragement the most.
Well, as it turns out, I didn’t stay very long. I got up and went to yoga and practiced a radical amount of self-care that I didn’t think I had the heart to. And what followed, was a shaky but steady journey back into the centre of things, back into the not-so-linear process of alignment and back to what I had started.
Sometimes I feel like it’s such a mess, that I’m a big mess and that I don’t know what is that I’m doing. And while it’s scary as hell to think that we can be just one decision away from veering off of the path, it’s also so beautiful to know that it’s never a long journey to get back on it.