Why We Need To Stop Stalking People (Virtually).


A still from the movie Single White Female- we all know how that ends..

Come on, be real. Everyone is guilty of a sneaky stalk here and there on social media. It’s usually a person you’ve dated that you don’t want to delete altogether in fear of seeming childish, or a girl you ‘kinda’ know who conveniently keeps her IG on public.Either way, we crave a bit of insider information from an outsider perspective. This is the kind of information that we want to know, but can’t really ask or dare not to. And what does finding out their new job or the name of the new person they are dating give to us? Absolutely nothing, just a mere five second high followed by the shame that you’re stalking someone who probably doesn’t even know you exist or doesn’t really care to know.

In a weird way, it seems as though we crave this ‘power of knowing’, whereby we can find out things about someone while they are none the wiser.

‘Did you see she just flew to Bali?’

‘But wasn’t she in Europe last month though’?

‘Like where does she get all this money from’?

Is what I imagine certain conversations would sound like from assumptions made about someone’s not-so-private life online.

Here’s the thing, it’s a conflicting issue in some ways, because if it’s out there for all to see then it’s demanding to be looked out and therefore talked about. However, what I’m beginning to realise, is that N O T H I N G good comes from drawing assumptions.

N O T H I NG good comes from looking at someone’s life so intently, full stop.

I don’t sit here and profess to mind my own business because I m guilty of stalking people that I can’t bring myself to follow or add personally. But I always feel a little dirty after doing so, almost like how I felt when I went to a strip club for the first time when I was 19 (don’t ask).

The internet invites us into the lives of many people and many brands, most of which are prompting us to and succeed because of it. And yet I can’t help but feel sad for the culture it’s created, whereby we demand to know the ins and outs of what’s happening in everyone’s lives without really earning the right to do so.

I for instance have my Instagram on public, because I want to share my photography/blog with people and it makes me happy having this creative forum. At times though, it feels fake to me, and it makes me uncomfortable to think that someone might be scrolling through my feed to see where I am and what I’m up to. And yet I can’t put it on private because I run the risk of having even fewer followers than I already do, jeopardising my non-existent social media career.

There is no straight answer in this issue of privacy, I just truly believe though that the key to being happier, is to worry less about what everyone else is doing. That’s what this stalking thing comes down to at the end of the day. It’s not about the need to know information, it’s about comparing your state of happiness to someone else’s.

Admire people, go right ahead and do it. But try and do it from a gentle distance, whereby what you’re doing is the biggest thing in focus.

And also remember that everything you seek to know about someone else, is a wasted opportunity on furthering your own capabilities. So this business of trying to look to others to find answers, is sort of a waste of your time. Pick up a book or even better pick up a phone and find out something from a person in your life with whom you can share information freely with. Those are the sort of things worth investing your time with because the gesture/love is always returned.

So think twice before you go searching from that ex girlfriend, boyfriend or model. Or, just press follow already and stop being such a damn creep.


For anyone that cares to know, my personal ig is on private now. If you’re up for a stalk, I have created a separate account for this blog @her.mati

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