Energy is an interesting thing when you’re a particularly sensitive person like myself. You can feel it instantly, especially when someone introduces themselves with a smile, but you know it’s not what they really mean.During the last few weeks, I’ve been a little more social than usual, which has meant meeting new people for the first time. Being a natural-born people pleaser, I’m eager to make a good impression, which is difficult thing when you’re simultaneously trying to ‘just be yourself.’ But for the most part, I feel like I come across as pretty sincere, and when I shake your hand and ask you about your day job, I genuinely mean it.
The interesting thing I have encountered recently, is the difference in energy between males and females during this first-time meet-up scenario. While most dudes read open, and let’s be real at times a little too open, it saddens me to see just how many females come across as threatened. They say ‘it’s nice to meet me’, but what I feel like they want to say is:
‘Who is this bitch, and what threat is she to me?’
I can read it in their body language, and in the shortness of our conversation, as though they are eager to be somewhere else as soon as possible. And while I think it’s perfectly ok to not have to like everyone, I don’t think it’s ok to write someone off because of an insecurity.
Yes, I said insecurity, because a majority of the time when a woman who is more attractive, better dressed or seemingly more impressive walks into a room, instantly on some level we can be made to feel a bit smaller.
Before you think that I assume that this is the reason why I’ve been energetically snubbed, I’m here to tell you that I myself am not all that secure in the way I look. I often look at my surroundings and put myself in that small category, as soon as a beautiful girl enters the room. My carefully curated outfit suddenly feels like I pulled it out of the bottom of last week’s dirty laundry basket, and I’m filled with a wave of doubt.
But as I get older, and give less of a shit, I see just how utterly stupid and immature this way of thinking is. I mean if we’re in support of recent events like the Women’s March on Washington, then why the hell can’t we all be friends on a Saturday night out? Togetherness amongst females shouldn’t be a political timely thing, it should be an all-year round thing.
Lately I have felt my insecurities melting away, and with them the weight of all that invisible social pressure. I don’t have the energy anymore to compare myself to anyone, nor do I want to compete with the girl next to me in the line for the bathroom. When I meet people for the first time, I see it as an opportunity to open myself up and learn something, regardless of gender.
Instead of letting my ego get the best of me, and raising my feathers in a peacock-like manner, all I feel the need to do is let my guard down completely. We’re all in the same position here, and if we can accept that the struggle is real for all of us ladies, it will be a whole lot easier to empathise with one another instead of compete in these bullshit pageantry antics.
So if you see me out, kindly lower your eyebrow in judgement, and get to know me instead.