Almost 30- When The Clock Isn’t Ticking.

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Getting clucky and then giving them back to their parents.

As women, we can get clucky before we have even grasped the concept of what it is really like to bring a child into the world. We ‘oooo’ and ‘ahh’ at a cute baby, quietly imagining a miniature version of ourselves, and think about all of the adorable miniature clothes we could buy.

Lately, I have found myself questioning that dream, or maybe questioning what Motherhood potentially means to me. In the naivety of my teens and early 20s, it was kind of an add-on to a picture-perfect life, and something that happened because it was ‘supposed to’, so I never thought about an alternative reality. Read more ›

The Beautiful Mess of Alignment.

Everything was going great.

I was meditating, going to yoga regularly, writing in my journal (or whatever you call it)  and just manifesting the positive thoughts that came as a natural side effect of doing all of those things.

And while nothing was exactly perfect, because I don’t believe there’s such a state in which to live, it felt like I was getting what I wished for and what I deserved.

The Universe has a pretty messed up, but fantastic sense of humour about this kind of thing, and just to see if you really ‘get it’, it will throw a stick directly in the middle of your path. Will you glide effortlessly around it? Or will you dive directly into it?

Of course, I not only tripped over the damn stick I took a few tumbles and grazed my knees in the process.

I wanted to stay there, on the ground in that stuck place I knew so well in my previous life, I really wanted to. Feeling not only sorry for myself, but wallowing in self-pity was a state of mind that used to come so effortlessly to me. One small decision in a matter of 24 hours, and here I was feeling the un-doing of all of the good work I had put in over the last 6 months.

Why do we do that to ourselves? Berate our most fragile parts when they need encouragement the most.

Well, as it turns out, I didn’t stay very long. I got up and went to yoga and practiced a radical amount of self-care that I didn’t think I had the heart to. And what followed, was a shaky but steady journey back into the centre of things, back into the not-so-linear process of alignment and back to what I had started.

Sometimes I feel like it’s such a mess, that I’m a big mess and that I don’t know what is that I’m doing. And while it’s scary as hell to think that we can be just one decision away from veering off of the path, it’s also so beautiful to know that it’s never a long journey to get back on to it.

 

 

Ellipsis

I don’t know what is, call is a creative slump, or just a plain-old slump in general, but I haven’t felt overly expressive lately.

I’ve drafted a few blog posts and while they seem decent enough to share and as cathartic as writing is normally for me, these don’t seem to really be doing it.

And then when I was listening to some unwind 00s playlist on Spotify today, Sarah Blasko sung it sweetly for me. Read more ›

Her Mati- Lindsey.

 

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The more women I meet, the more impressed I am by this unique sense of self and sense of empowerment that they shine outwardly, without even being in the spotlight or making a fuss. I’m talking about just regular females who might not have the followers, but yet have travelled to so many amazing places and have wisdom to impart that so many younger girls would find inspirational. It seems like such a shame that I should have these encounters and not share them in some way, so this series hopes to make a big fuss about these incredible mujers, so that they can have a space to be celebrated. Read more ›

The Power Of Belief- What 2018 Taught Me

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Cuba, November 2018.

‘What if you just started doing those things now, instead of waiting until this non-existent level of enough was met? It’s never going to be met because even at my thinnest, I still didn’t love myself’.

There were a lot of relatable quotes that I could have pulled from this Buzzfeed video about struggling with Binge Eating Disorder, but to me that quote epitomised a lot of what I have figuring out this past year (and maybe, a majority of my early 20s too). Read more ›

Why I Dance (And The Importance Of Trying)

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A bunch of rude gals from the beautiful Erika Goldsmiths ‘Rude Girl Course’ at YCV studios.

It’s 5:47 and I’m beginning to think of excuses and reasons that seem plausible to text the organiser of this dance performance group.

‘ I’m not feeling well’

‘I have some family issues’

And the most cliche of cliche.

‘Something came up’ Read more ›

Why This Blog No Longer Serves Me.

There are a few things one does when coming into the line of fire. You either-

        a)   Fire back

       b)   Render yourself defenceless and curl up into foetal position

or   c)   You take the hit and prepare for what comes next

I’ve taken a hit lately which involves the subject of this blog, and the content of my character as a result of what I choose to write about. My first instinct was to put this blog on private and vow never to show it to someone I newly meet ever again. Read more ›

The Healer.

Don’t let your deceitful ego mislead you|The more you try to pour yourself into a broken vessel it will overflow and leak through|And thats what seems to defeat you| Because you try to be the healer and heal situations that your not meant to treat through| See through the blind illusions of your own mind games| You have to understand that people and times change| And you cant walk back into the same hurtful doors expecting not to find pain| You see letting go is easy but we make it seem challenging| Because were so caught up in the memories and not focused on the reality.

Sometimes it’s better to let someone else do the talking, and that’s why I’m so glad a friend linked me to Londrelle Hall recently. I’ve been listening to him for a week straight, and he says all of the things I want to express but can’t seem to. So for this weeks blog post, I thought I would simply share a video and let him do the talking. Enjoy xo

Notes To Myself.

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Taken by Guido Melo for Melko Boutique and scribbled on by me. 

When there is nothing profound to say.

Other than I need to love myself.

To stop seeking comfort in the warm outter layers, to first wrap my heart carefully.

I never grasped what it meant

Never knew how much I needed it.

Until I stopped reaching and found my hand could fit so perfectly in the other.

How can I provide, how can I give when there is no source to drink from within?

Suddenly my selfishness doesn’t seem so selfish.

Suddenly, it makes sense.

In order to get love, I have to be love

Be all the things I am, instead of seeing what I’m not.

Perhaps the most profound thing I can say is that no, I don’t yet love me.

But I’m trying and I will.

Salma Hayek Pinault- Beyond The Beauty Part 2

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On the set of Frida

As promised, here is part dos of Salma Hayek Pinault’s interview with Mother Oprah Winfrey. If you aren’t already up to speed, check out part uno here  so you can better understand why she should be revered as much more than a sex symbol. Read more ›